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I have previously written about the typical self sabotaging characteristics of #MeToo victims and others with similar experiences. It’s important to remember that relationships are always an equal exchange of emotion, energy, and action requiring a common element of connection to create the synergy needed to overcome challenges along the way and to promote the growth needed as individuals as well as together.
Oftentimes, as one may project what they are looking for, they indeed receive what that was. As it pertains to relationships, it is important that both parties come together with equal willingness to open communication, so that the common element always remains intact between them. Done in this way, the act of communication to resolve difficulties together becomes an established practice. This practice induces trust and confidence within the relationship.
Again, oftentimes, “blame” appears to fall to one person or the other, rather than the combination of both parties. Unfortunately, the self-sabotaging behaviors create a vortex between the partners, and if either partner does not remain equal in willingness to open communication it destroys the relationship.
Keep in mind that in most cases as well, the party who chooses to not openly communicate is harboring negative emotions which were brought in from previous relationships which is causing a “trigger” effect when issues arise in the current relationships. This becomes part of the vortex. Now it’s up to both parties to recognize the common thread of importance between them and openly and honestly communicate with each other. Once done, they will either decide to surmount the difficulty together or one or both of them will be unwilling or unable to properly work through their emotions to get past it and again, the relationship fails.
As the challenge in this case is presented through a relationship, it is important to remember there is a hidden gem in that challenge, a special learning experience tailored just for each of you. Either way the relationship tilts, the purpose of a relationship is to assist each other in healing or growth and each of you has provided the lesson to the other. Some may be smooth, some may be difficult. The important thing is that you recognize the gift given to each other, and appreciate the gift regardless of the outcome. This makes it much easier for each party to digest and learn from the experience.
From a purely spiritual perspective, we are created to work as one, rather than individuals. Yes, we all bring what we have to the table and we each have our specific purpose. However it is through the relationships we build that we are able to work as one as intended. As that element of understanding is missing in the minds of many, and which happens to be the only natural element which gives us the satisfaction we seek, the failure of relationships and continuance of self-sabotaging behaviors is inevitable.
Should a relationship manage to stay together for a period of time although one partner has chosen to hide or dis-identify with their own emotional issue, another challenge will arise which will present the same opportunity to learn this lesson of communication. If it was not important to communicate and willingly work together towards resolution, the lesson would not present itself. Ever. It simply would not be important enough to be an issue.
So please my friends, be easy on each other. Life was meant to be a series of learning experiences which are created for the specific purpose of healing each other and growing together. It’s not an exact science and nobody is perfect. Try not to “think” a problem into existence. Try to identify that carry-over. And try to remember that if it’s a challenge that you experience together, it is so that you can learn….Together.
A dear friend once told me “clear communication builds lasting relationships.” I say it’s true, through and through.