The Labyrinth

January 2019

All those many days, months, years lost.  Lost to an internal world of chaos, loss, pain, confusion.  An external world of chaos, a mirror image of the thoughts and feelings held deep within.....

Deep within...deep within the strong-hold of my very elaborate labyrinth designed to always 

lead one out, never in.

In this labyrinth, I am supreme commander.  In this labyrinth, this community of one, I am safe.

I am safe to hide in fear of the terror images of my mind.  I am safe to hide in fear of ever creating an opportunity to get hurt.  Ever.  Again.

In the safety of my labyrinth, my community of one, I dream of peace of mind.  I dream of love.  

I dream of success.

Sometimes, I choose to invert my labyrinth. I chose to reach out in bravery and mis-placed faith

 in self.  I choose to invert my labyrinth so that I always keep it  close behind me, just in case I 

need to retreat to the safety of the familiariality of my labyrinth, my self -made prison, 

my community of one.

I shamefully and guiltily retreat to my labyrinth, claiming victimization as my reason of failure of escape from this labyrinth, this prison, this community of one that I love and I despise simultaneously.

In the recesses of the labyrinth, I can admit that I feel worthless.  I can admit I don't know what 

to do.  I can admit that I feel tired, alone, sad.  I can also admit that I know that I must do something to save myself.

In the safety of my labyrinth, I can admit I love God.  I can admit that I am mad at God for making things happen the way they did and do.  I can admit that I feel guilty about all the wrong things I did in my life.

In my labyrinth, I can admit that I still feel the sparkle and light of love of God, when I let myself.  I can admit that the love of God scares me to death because love means vulnerability.

In my labyrinth, my prison, my community of one, I slowly but surely realize that the only one who can truly help me is God, the one that I fear the most.

On my occasional inversion of my labyrinth however, I begin to gain confidence.  On these special occasions, my return to my labyrinth becomes more insightful, more truthful.  I begin to notice that my outings connect me with people and situations that help me learn about myself, what's important to me, and who I really am.  I begin to understand that the challenges I have gone through as well as the present challenges, are learning experiences.  I begin to understand that God is teaching me everything I need to know about myself through interactions with others.

In the safety of my labyrinth, my prison, my community of one, I become aware of my own purpose and passions.  I become aware of those which I gain pleasure and peace from and slowly but surely I gravitate towards those things.

As the shackles of my imprisonment disappear, my labyrinth, my community of one remains , but its usefulness and appearance have changed.

I still honor my labyrinth, my community of one.  However, the chains are gone, the gray walls are bright yellow, the dark halls are  brightly lit.

My labyrinth is my safe-haven for my continued connection to self, and God.  No longer a sad, lonely prison but a beautiful castle full of creativity and love.  I bring what cares I have here for understanding, but most of all, my labyrinth gives me the direction I need to live the most ordinary life in the most extraordinary way, and guides me to those I need to connect with.

The labyrinth in itself is nothing more than a maze of misconceptions we have and how those misconceptions keep us from seeing the true value of the labyrinth.

Choose to see lessons rather than mazes.  Trust in Gods plan for you.  Turn your labyrinth, your prison, your community of one, into the most spectacular castle of communion with yourself and God.  Your internal temple, and your value of it, is THE answer to everything.  Everything.

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